I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There's even glitter on my cock...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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