im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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