sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
