I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
