So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
