I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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