HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize