but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
