Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Holy shit dude........stairs
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