i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
