Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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