gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
