So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
