I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
