Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
