i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
