o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
