Got a toothbrush?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So much rum. So many feels.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
