this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
