I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
