I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize