Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
