Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize