Will you blow on my dice?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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