Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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