Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
