Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
