I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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