i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
