do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
