I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize