I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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