now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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