Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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