Who wears a wallet chain?!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
