It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
