I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
