I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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