The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
