so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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