I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize