Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
