i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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