Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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