On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
