Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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