I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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