he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
