Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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