I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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