I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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