I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
