I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
