i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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