If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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