I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize