Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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