dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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