we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
