I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
