Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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