sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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