just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
