Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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