Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
