My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
