Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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