I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
