I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
organizing the empties. That sober.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Boobs speak an international language.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize