I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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