sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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