Sorry, I don't speak sober.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize