im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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