Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
