I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
