i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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