forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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