Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
