Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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