piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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