And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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