My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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