All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
