If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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