the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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