he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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