u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
