This girl is more easily done than said...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
