I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize