I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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