Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize