it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
