More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
