that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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