She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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