but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
