My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
