franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
