oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we made out on top of his cat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
