Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
