You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize