one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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