They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
