I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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