the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize