Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
