oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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