When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
