Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
