you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
