I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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