i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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